BLOG 1 : “Write a blog, she said!”
“I’ve got a great idea, you should write a blog!” – This coming from my manager full of her usual enthusiasm and trust in me that I can do this! “You have so many stories that people will love to hear”. Ok, I suppose I have been working in palliative care for the past 20 years (that does make me seem old), add on to that the other 19 years in general nursing before then (yes I am sure you can do the sums) and yes I do have lots of stories to tell. So, what an opportunity for me to tell you some.
I had always wanted to be a nurse for as long as I could remember. Whenever I was asked as a little girl “What are you going to be when you grow up?”, the reply was always a nurse. I never thought past that, so once I qualified I just drifted from medicine and then surgery. My mother died just after I qualified, so to not think about my grief, I threw myself into work. I believe her death may have been a trigger for me to develop my passion for providing good end of life care to all. It is said “that how people die live on in the memories of those left behind”. Well, though my mum died peacefully with my dad and brothers with her when she took her last breaths, my expectations from the nurses were disappointing.
I had been “taught” that when someone dies, as a nurse, we gently ask the family to leave so that you can make the person more presentable. In fact, this is an important part to allow the body to settle in preparation for what we used to call ‘last offices’: we lay the deceased person flat, straightening arms and legs and replacing dentures if they are well fitting, removing anything hospital oriented around the bedside so that when the family return they can sit and say a final farewell to their loved one with the hope that they will look peaceful and serene.
Imagine my shock when we went back in to find my mum still propped up in bed as we had left her with her mouth gaping open. I can still see that image 35 years later. The only way I can cope with that is that my mum always used to fall asleep on a Saturday afternoon after a long week working and that is how she would look when sound asleep on the settee. So from this, whenever I had a patient that died I took that little bit of extra care, and found that empathy in the knowledge of understanding a little of what they may be going through.
As nurses, we give a part of ourselves to our patients and those that are important to them, we are with them in that moment of distress, anger, joy. It isn’t by any means an easy job but it does have its rewards of joy, laughter and a certain humour that only someone in the medical field will understand.
